Wonder
by jammiedodgersandbowties
Summary: "If we didn't wonder about things that happen and moments in time then we could never keep going, and we would always be looking back. Wondering is what keeps us going, wondering is what takes us home." she said softly. "I don't want to go back here, not without you. You are my home now. Wherever you go I go." There has been a war on Earth and someone close to Clara has died. 11/C.


Hello all! I'm so sorry that I haven't posted a story in a few weeks! I have been beyond busy studying for the HSC, but I am almost finished now and then I will post heaps of stories!

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"How could I just walk away from someone that I love?" Clara said softly, barely above a whisper, there were tears streaming down her face hastily.

The Doctor and Clara were at the edge of the street she used to live before she permanently packed up to travel and be with the Doctor.

The Doctor looked back at Clara eyes wide. "I didn't say that you had-" he began.

"You didn't give me a choice!" Clara raised her voice at him, indignantly. She was filled with hurt.

The Doctor had big eyes that were filled with dismay. What else could he do? Clara had lost everything because of him.

There had been a war on Earth that had lasted two days.  
There had been destruction, fear, and death.

People had died.  
Clara's dad had died.  
Her mother Ellie was already gone, and now her father Dave too.  
He tried to save him.  
She tried to save him.  
He couldn't.  
She couldn't.  
They couldn't.

The Cyberman had invaded Earth again, in this present day, in London.

The Doctor and Clara had successfully made them leave again after everything, but this time, it just wasn't enough.

There was a loss bigger than most.

Clara's dad was gone and Clara was devastated.

Now, the Doctor had parked out the front of her flat again and told her that if she wanted to leave that she could. He had said he was sorry already but Clara couldn't listen or believe him yet. She blamed him.

Clara had lost everything because of him.

"I just thought-" he began softly. "I just thought that you wouldn't want to be with me anymore." he whispered.

He never spoke like this. He was devastated too. He was hurt that she was this hurt.

"Well you thought wrong." she spat out. Even though she blamed him she could never give him up. She loved him so much. He loved her so much too.

Clara and the Doctor had been together indefinitely now, defined us a couple, but it was more than that. It was a companionship, it was a bond, a connection like no other. It was indefinite. It was deep affection, and warmth. Love.

Clara's lip trembled and she broke out in more tears and the Doctor that was standing a distance across from her immediately stepped forward and pulled her in, burying her against him.

"Oh Clara." he whispered softly, "I'm so sorry." he said. He didn't know what else to do or say.

Clara sobbed against him, letting him hold her. She didn't want to but she did. She wanted to both pull away and scream at him but hold him close and let him comfort her. She wanted to fight. She didn't want to fight. She had no strength anymore.

Clara's dad was everything to her, and now he was nothing. He was no more and she didn't know what she would do now.

The Doctor had a choice in that moment, before Dave had died. It was to save Clara or him and he had been selfish, maybe he could have saved them both. He didn't know. He would always wonder now. In that moment Clara didn't know what the options were, she still didn't know. The Doctor had a choice and he had made a decision to save Clara. He would always save Clara.

"I had a choice Clara." he whispered then. He had to tell her. "I had a choice to save someone and I chose you, but, maybe I could have saved you both and I am so sorry for that." he whispered.

Clara looked up at him, her face red and puffy, covered in wet and dry tears. She didn't know what to say to him. She couldn't say she didn't blame him because at this moment, she did. She had to grieve though and she would accept the way things were eventually but for now she needed to hurt, and she needed comforting, a hand to hold. That hand to hold would be his. Nevertheless, she wouldn't have had it any other way.

The Doctor brought her hands up to his mouth and kissed them ever so gently frowning at himself after, if that was possible. Clara looked into his eyes and she could see the hurt in them. They matched hers. She moved one of her hands up to his face, and moved his floppy hair away from his eyes, lingering her hand there.

"It's okay." Clara whispered softly to him.

The Doctor looked into her eyes. She could draw him in with those big brown eyes of hers, especially now when they were this sad. He was locked in.

"My impossible girl." the Doctor said and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, eyes closing. Clara closed her eyes too at his touch. He was so gentle, so wonderful. Even after everything.

"I can't fight anymore." Clara whispered to him, his lips were still against her forehead and their eyes were both still closed. They were close against each other.

"I don't want to give you a choice like I had." the Doctor mumbled back.

"Then don't." Clara replied quickly.

She opened her eyes now and looked at him.

"I'm always going to be wondering now Clara. That's what I always left to do, wonder."

"Wondering is wondrous." she said to him softly. "If we are not left wondering, then what else do we have?" she stated to him.

"Nothing ever good comes out of wondering." the Doctor replied. "I have wondered for over nine hundred years and I still do not know the outcomes of any of my wondering, except on the odd exception where I have gone back and re-written some timelines." he said. "Death I cannot do that with, and I will never be able to forgive myself for it or stop wondering over this."

Clara's lip began to tremble again and she had to stop herself from crying, she had reminded herself that they were here in this moment, and talking about her father's death. It wasn't a dream.

"Well-" she took a breath in, and tried to pull herself together. "If we didn't wonder about things that happen and moments in time then we could never keep going, and we would always be looking back. Wondering is what keeps us going, wondering is what takes us home." she said softly. "I don't want to go back here, not without you. You are my home now. Wherever you go I go." she looked into his eyes whispering. He looked back into hers.

"Clara you're so strong." the Doctor said to her. "Your dad..."

"Is gone." she said.

"But-" the Doctor tried to continue.

"But, I must continue on." she nodded mostly to confirm it to herself. "As you do." she spoke again. "Not right now, but soon I will accept it and when I do I will understand that he is still with me in my heart and I will meet him once again, one day." Clara interrupted.

"I couldn't have said it any better." the Doctor confirmed to her, nodding back.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him close before pulling back and taking his hand. They walked back to the TARDIS.

She needed a hand to hold.

We all needed a hand to hold.

The war on Earth had started two days ago and had ended today.  
There had been destruction, fear and death.

People had died.  
Clara's dad had died.  
Her mother Ellie was already gone, and now her father Dave too.  
He had tried to save him.  
She had tried to save him.  
He couldn't.  
She couldn't.  
They couldn't.

They didn't.

They could wonder though, and that's what would keep them going. Wonder would take them to wondrous places, wonder would take them home. The TARDIS was and always had been the Doctor's home, and now, it was Clara's too.

In a way, the TARDIS was a hand to hold, a hand that they needed to hold onto.

Wonder would keep them going.

Wonder would keep us all going.

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I hope you enjoyed this story, and that it gave you a little insight, into whatever it is that you may be needing. It definitely gave me some!


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